she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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