I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
