all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize