I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
