She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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