friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
