you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
