I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
