i don't like sucking hair
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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