Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
