These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You pole danced in your parka.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
