he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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