My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize