Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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