Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I need a beard to bite.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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