Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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