Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Randomize
