i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
