i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
