So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Watching her eat just hurts me
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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