And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
