I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
