im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
