There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
