Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
