masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How drunk are you?
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