you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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