sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
