Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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