I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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