just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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