Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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