I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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