go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
