Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
