the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
