Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
