So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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