at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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