The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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