she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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