im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
