I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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