How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
