last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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