Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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