Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
