i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Did I show you my penis last night?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
