i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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