i would punch a child for taco bell
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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