everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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