Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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