Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
