he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
