I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize