I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
