Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
