I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
