How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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