this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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