Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
