Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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