I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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