Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
