hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
