mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
