look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dear god my vagina.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
