Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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