My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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