she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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