i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
